Wednesday, July 4, 2012

THOUGHTS


Before you begin reading this, please read Transitions: spring to summer and the parts that follow first.  Otherwise this may not make much sense to you.

The hospice is still operating.  Vinny is doing okay. His quality of life is still good. He sleeps a lot now.  He eats all the time.  He does come and sleep with me from time to time.  Vinny has slept next to my side for 14 years. I miss him not sleeping next to me. 

Sneezy’s cancer has not raised its ugly head yet.  She is still eating, drinking and sleeping next to my shoulder most nights.  When her cancer advances to the point of no return, she will go quickly.  Hopefully for her sake it will be fast with the least amount of pain.

The critical care is done. Amie’s physical wounds are healed except one.  The remaining wound will be healed in less than two weeks!  Now we must deal with the emotional wounds.  This will take time, patience and understanding.

Munchkin taking ill so suddenly then leaving us has left a void.  I thought there would be a shift in the cat herd.  I figured one of the other cats would rise to take Munchkin’s place but no.  We have the old ones and the young ones. All doing their own thing  It is quieter in the house now with Munchie gone.  When he was not napping he was very active.  I miss his activity.

In some respects, I think the abruptness of his illness and death is almost easier to take than the long wait that Vinny and Sneezy are going through.  But on the other hand, a little more time to enjoy Munchie and let him know just how special he was would have been nice.   

My cat clan is mostly old.  The house is quieter.  We started out with 9 rescued cats.  Miss Kitty belonged to my husband.  He rescued her from the Vet’s office. The owner left her there to be destroyed when she found out Kitty had cancer.  The Vet could not bring himself to kill her, as the cancer was not that far along.  Kitty still had some quality of life left.  My husband was there to pick up Tude. He went home with Tude and Kitty.  Shortly after my husband moved from his place in California to our home, Kitty began her journey to the end of life.  We released her one month after they settled in our home.  She was a sweet Siamese cat, with the most beautiful clear blue eyes.  She was very loving. She took to me the first day we met.  I adored her.  She lived an additional two years beyond the year the Vet gave her. I do not have a picture of her sadly.  We have 5 remaining cats of the original group of 9.  Vinny is 14 years old, Tude is 13 years old, Oreo is 12 years old, Sneezy is 10 years old, Grumpy is 9 years 10 months old (Munchkin’s biological sister).  I fear death is coming too quickly for all of them.  When they depart, we will have three younger cats remaining: Floyd is roughly 5 years old, Jazzie is 3 years old and Buddy is around 2 years old.  Junior was our only feral cat that stayed feral.  He came around after Floyd came into the house.  Junior looked like Floyd. We figured he was his offspring.  Unfortunately, Junior never trusted us enough to let us pet him.  We could get close, but not too close.  He was here for nearly two years, before his demise.

We moved to Texas with 8 rescued cats in November of 2006.  What a trip! We all made it without too much stress.  The cats settled nicely into their digs.  It was two weeks after the move when Tommie introduced himself to us.  He wanted to come in, but we were not prepared.  He came and went. We tried to fix him up with a bed in the garage but he would not have it.  Finally one early spring evening he showed up hurt.  I could not just feed him and turn him away.  He stayed in our laundry room. I took him to the vet, got him patched up, neutered and all the necessary shots.  By this time we had four dogs. Brought him home to meet the family. Tommie fit right in.   He died of renal disease in late 2009. He is buried next to Molly.  They use to share a dog pillow together. Here is a picture of them.  Tommie would also groom Fats our dog’s head for him. Here is a picture of that too.

                                     Molly and Tommie

                             Fats getting groomed by Tommie

                                   Tommie grooming Fats

Molly departed us in spring of 2009. She was an old white lab that had a very hard life, before coming to live with us.  When she was mauled by some neighbor dogs, her life looked over. But she prevailed and grew strong and as healthy as a worn out dog can be.  The previous owner gave her up to us.  She was a faithful, loving, easy going dog. She was terrified of thunder and lightening. We gave her tranquilizer to get her through the storms.  She was diagnosed with Cushings disease.  We faithfully gave her the medicine and she responded so well to it.  Her end came when she could no longer get up by herself. Her hips were gone. There was nothing left to fix or replace.  She stopped eating, unless I could coax her to eat a little treat, but she just quit eating.  All she wanted from us was a safe loving home.  We were more than happy to provide. 
            Molly's neck did scar, as you can see the dark line on her neck.
                                                        
                                This picture was taken in 2008

Scamp was Oreo’s brother. He was 4 weeks old when I rescued them. They lost their momma.  He weighed 1lb 4 oz.  He was very independent.  He did not need love or attention. One day when he was 6 or 7 months old, he hopped on the sofa next to me and cried for attention.  It was such a great moment!  I lavished him with the attention he needed.  From then on, Scamp would come when he wanted attention.  He would thump my leg with his head until I petted him.  He would accept my intrusion, but preferred attention on his schedule.

                                   Scamp when he was a kitten

When he was a kitten he and Oreo decided to help me paint a room…..They were climbing the ladder and getting into things, big help.  Scamp decided he needed to sniff the paint! He got paint on his nose and mouth. Being new to this type of drama, I call the vet. No worries, it is latex paint, he did not get enough to do damage. Make sure he drinks water. I forced water in him.
                                        Scamp a year old

Scamp contracted IMHA, which is extremely rare in cats.  We discovered his illness too late. We tried a transfusion but it failed.  I miss him. He was a character. Kept to himself, except when he wanted my attention.  He was easy going, laid back and curious. He left us in 2010.

All of our animals teach us something before they depart. We keep growing in knowledge in our care of the remaining.  Our hearts break at each passing

The cats came first, then the dogs, then the ducks and chickens.  Winkin chicken died two summers ago. She was not a very strong bird, but she did her best. The heat was just too much for her. Blinkin, well, she is very old in bird years. I do not imagine she will be with us next summer, but she is a tough old bird, who knows?
                                       Winkin hunting bugs

                                     The girls hunting bugs

Opa was Oma’s first mate.  He was our first causality in the feathered world.  We got too comfortable with them roaming around outside all day.  One evening, before it was time to go in, he got snatched. There were no feathers or sign of him.  It was either a coyote or a Bob cat.  We learned a painful lesson.  Opa was a funny Rouen drake. He was king of the birds. The chickens stayed away from him. He ruled the coop and the yard. He was a big beautiful bird.   Oma mourned his loss for days on end. She would call and call for him from morning to night.  This broke my heart for her.  We have not made this mistake again.

Mourning loss is very difficult. Difficult in that the world speeds on. The demands on you are coming from all directions.  It would be nice to just have some quiet time to mourn, not to make it a career, but the needed time to heal.  Instead, we are pushed along to feel better, be better, get going, be doing and speed along with everyone else. To where? Our own death.  Stuff the feelings of loss and hop on the fast track to no where. How sad for all of us that we cannot make the time to grieve for those we love.  

I have not lost my joy, my peace and my humor.  My heart is broken over each loss. The loss takes time to heal, which time is the best healer.  Life is precious.  Life is a gift. We tend to forget this gift has an expiration date.  We treat this gift carelessly and waste so much of it. Imagine how we would live, if we lived as though today was our last day of life. 

With all that has been going on with our babies this spring and summer, I find myself reciting an old nursery rhythm.  You may remember it: There was an old woman who lived in a shoe. She had so many children she did not know what to do. 

I could not remember the ending.  I asked my mom and she reminded me of it.  I don’t like that ending, so here is my ending.


THERE WAS AN OLD WOMAN

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.
She had so many children she did not know what to do.
She sucked it up.
The old woman reminded herself of the commitment to love, care and protect the children until they depart.
When the time came for each child’s departure, the old woman gently cradles each child in her arms.
She speaks softly, tears stinging her eyes, saying, “I have loved you all of your days. I am richer for having you in my life.  Thank you for sharing your life with me.”
 She cradles them until they depart.

Click on the link below. this has been running through my mind.





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